A FaceBook Holiday Challenge: A Time to Spread Healing

A little while back Time magazine documented the phenomenon of Raging Retrosexuals- the fact that many people are hooking up with long-lost crushes via social media, like Facebook.

Apparently Facebook is pretty darn decent at connecting you with the people you used to have sex with, or wished you used to have sex with.

As a result, it’s been unfortunately good at breaking up marriages. I’d hate to see those numbers.

In fact, it just happened to one of my husband’s best friends- whose wife suddenly up and left their family with 3 kids for her abusive high school boyfriend. Tragic. Really.

But, I’ve only been on Facebook a very short time and already I’ve seen how it can be a spring board for the opposite kind of effect: Forgiveness.

Yup, shockingly, Facebook can actually lead to healing long time wounds, instead of ripping open new ones.

One of the first emails I got through FB was from a long lost lover. Well, not really a lover per se, because we never had sex. But that doesn’t mean that we didn’t trade sexual favors for feelings of self worth.

Which of course is never a healthy thing. But I admit it, my mother never told me that boys like to use girls to satisfy certain needs. And unfortunately, I had unmet needs of my own- to feel loved, valued, worthy.

So like millions of teenage girls, then and now, I fell into the trap of trying to use sex to feel better about myself. It doesn’t work for long as many of you know.

But I tried that strategy for years, racking up a ton of heartbreak. And leaving behind a wake of young men grateful for the feel-good sex, but little else.

I eventually worked through those issues and stop giving myself away for such a low price. I never looked back angrily at those guys, I mean, I offered myself willingly. It was a lesson I needed to learn.

Yet, here unexpectedly in my brand-new Facebook Inbox was an apology of sorts. From a man who had grown up and recognized that perhaps all his actions weren’t entirely honorable. He didn’t have to do that- he certainly wasn't the worst of offenders.

It was simple and said, “Is it too late for apologies?”

It wasn’t even specific about what he was apologizing for.

Yet of course, it is never too late to be sorry for how you treated someone.

And in that moment, my heart poured open with appreciation for the gift of the simple recognition that “Yes, indeed, a long time ago, my feelings were hurt.”

I decided to allow that one simple acknowledgment to stand-in for an apology from every single man who I ever felt "used" by. And just like that, all of the long-forgotten and hidden hurts that resided in my soul melted away, released at last.

And I sent him back my own apology because it takes two to tango and no doubt my behavior had some uncomfortable effect on him.

By acknowledging the result of our choices and how they have affected others, even unintentionally, we step into integrity with our highest good and the highest good of all concerned.

We take back our power and full self-respect.

That, my friends is the power of apology and forgiveness. That sometimes, with even the slightest effort, decades of hurt can be healed. Often more deeply, widely, and profoundly then you would ever fathom to guess.

We all have this power to touch each other, to offer healing. How can we withhold it?

And apparently social media like Facebook can provide the avenue to connect with long ago companions, so that things may at long last be righted.

So, in this holiday season, where people are often saddened by the hurt and lack found in their past and present relationships, I’d like to suggest that we choose to consciously use social media for a different purpose:

To create a surge of healing throughout the land.

Let’s ride the wave of the true meaning of Christmas and take that spirit of giving, healing, and forgiveness to a new level by having the courage to bring all of our relationships back to LOVE.

Last spring I wrote a blog about the need for Completion- to go back to every relationship where something was left unsaid, undone, and to say and do those things which would put us in integrity and give us positive closure. And I gave you a powerful meditation to assist you on that journey.

Completion is needed now more than ever so that we can move into the New Year, fresh and unencumbered by the weights from the past. Only from that clean slate, can we create a truly gorgeous vision of our lives.

That’s my challenge to you this Holiday: Choose to bring back all of your relationships to Love with Completion.

And if Facebook and other social media can help you do that- than so be it.

I’m accepting my own challenge and have a list of people here with whom I want to offer a message of apology. Things I’m sorry for, things I’m grateful for. I’ll be working my way down the list until it’s Complete.

And if there are people out there who think I owe them an apology, please let me know. Sometimes we remain unaware of the extent of our behavior on others.

But with an open heart and an open mind, together, we can all create the healing upon this Earth that humanity needs at this time. One relationship at a time.

Rejoice in the spirit of the Holiday friends, because love is here to stay!

Inaugural Adventure Dating Event was a Success!

Last weekend, we hosted the first ever, Adventure Dating at the Ranch event, at my holistic healing horse ranch, Happily Ever After, outside Denver Colorado.

We had a huge turnout with 56 singles who were courageously ready for an Adventure in Love!

As rotating teams, they got to experience 9 Adventure Stations with a variety of active, creative, and get-to-know-you challenges. All designed to have fun while you get an inside peek into each other's real personality.

Laughter was heard throughout the property!

Remember, how I told you the only reason we hosted this event was because I had the inspiration that someone was supposed to meet their soulmate???

Well, 14 matches were made that day and already several of them have taken off at a full speed run toward love!

I can't wait to hear how these new couples forge ahead on their journey toward creating their own Happily Ever After!

Check out the fun during the 3 active challenges: Noodle Golf, Blind Duo Obstacle Course, Tethered-to-Me Obstacle Challenge.

Why I am Convinced that Someone is Going to Meet Their Soulmate at Adventure Speed Dating on Sept 26!

I can *almost* guarantee that someone is going to meet their soulmate on Saturday, Septmeber 26th at our inaugrual Adventure Speed Dating at the Ranch event outside Denver, CO!

"Why?," you ask. Read on.

As some of you already know, my passion is helping singles attract their soulmate. Since the time I was 12 years old, I’ve never been interested in anything else but love!

But honestly, before now I’ve never been interested in hosting big events like this one. Helping people one on one and in small groups is more my cup of tea.

Then, inspiration struck.

Funny, really.

I was listening to a meditation tape so I should have been focused on it, but I found myself thinking about my friend and colleague Mary Jo Fay, who hosts bi-weekly singles events (Denver 's Best Dating, Mating, and Relating Group). My immediate thought was: “I’d never want to host an event like that.”

Instantly, however, the idea of Adventure Speed Dating popped into my mind. Actually, the details of it flooded my brain. So much so that I couldn’t finish my meditation!!!

I let the ideas come in and settled on, “Hmm, that’s interesting. Sounds like a great concept. But I have no interest in hosting an event.”

And I put the idea to rest.

Only it wouldn’t let me rest. Literally.

For several nights, I would fall asleep, only to wake up an hour later. Once again, details for the event poured in, one idea after another.

“Ok, Ok, I get it, it’s a fantastic idea. But still, I don’t want to do it,” was my reply.

By the third night of this incessant information download, I scribbled down the details and I finally pleaded with the powers that be: “FINE! I’ll do it if you will let me get back to sleep!”

With that promise came a sudden knowing that went like this, “Great, because someone is supposed to meet their soulmate at this event, so we really need you to keep your word!”

So, here it is, my contribution to helping soulmates find each other. It’s bound to happen, otherwise the idea would have died a cold and lonely death the first time it came to me.

Because I’ve learned there is no coincidence- only serendipity. Call it what you will- intuition, gut feeling, a hunch, Universal Guidance. When it comes in strongly, I’ve discovered you are a fool to ignore it.

And besides, now I am totally jazzed because I think, "What's cooler than helping soulmates find each other, especially if it's fun to boot?!"

And so, that's how Adventure Speed Dating at the Ranch was born. And I can’t wait to see who gets to meet their soulmate!

If I told you the story of how I met my soulmate, Greg, you’d believe that serendipity plays a role. Now that I have that amazing kind of love in my life, I’m committed to helping everyone else find it too.

So, if you’ve found your way to this web page, if you’ve heard about this event in any way at all, there is probably a good reason. Consider yourself Universally Guided to be there. And I’m extending to you a warm, personal invitation.

I, for one, listened to the Guidance (even if it was unwillingly at first!). I did my part. Now all you have to do is show up too!

Then we can both laugh at how neither one of us originally wanted to come, but heck yea, it was fun and wasn’t it the best decision we ever made!

After all, I’d hate for you to miss your soulmate!

So, head on over to reserve your spot before they all fill up: Adventure Dating at the Ranch.

Here’s to soulmates coming together in perfect harmony,

Dr. Jenn

PS. By the way, if you have a friend who has been waiting, wishing, and hoping to find a soulmate who doesn’t seem to be showing up- now may be the time to beg, plead, or cajole them into coming with you. Because you may very well be the human angel designated to lead them to their soulmate. You may be the link that brings them together!

So, He Didn't Call When He Said He Would? Using the Handy, "I Noticed..." Statement

I wish I could say that this hardly ever happens, so don't worry about it. But people not keeping their word happens all the time, especially when dating!

So, what to do when he doesn't call when he said he would? That's what one of my clients wanted to know recently.

Here's what I told her.

Typically- if someone does something like this once, you can blow it off (if you want)- but if it happens more than once, then don't ever ignore it!

Ignoring things never makes them go away- it usually makes them worse!

Why? Because when someone does something more than once, they are showing you a pattern of behavior. And patterns indicate their underlying personality.

And when YOU put up with a pattern of behavior from someone- you set up the expectation that the behavior is ok with you.

Which means: You'll get more of the same behavior in the future.

So, when someone doesn't keep their word and that's not ok with you (as it shouldn't be!), then it's worth addressing.

Lucky you, handling these supposedly "uncomfortable" topics, can be super simple when you know how to use the "I Noticed..." Strategy.

Here's how to stand up for yourself and set clear, healthy boundaries, right from the beginning with the people in your life, love life included.

Using the "I Noticed..." Strategy

Step 1: Find a quiet, calm time to bring up your concern.

That means you are relaxed and no longer ticked off.
AND, it seems like a convenient, easy-going time for your friend.

Step 2: Bring up your concern gracefully, casually using "I noticed..."

Just casually work into your conversation something like:
"Hey, I noticed ... that you were going to call on Tues but I didn't hear from you till today...."

Step 3: Pause and WAIT for their response.

Just let your "I noticed" statement hang out there for a moment and they will have to say something about it. Usually you will learn alot from what the person says next.

Either you'll get a useful explanation and/or apology, or you may get a bunch of BS.

Either way, you are learning more about this person to help you decide if this is indeed someone you want in your life.

You may chat a bit from here, or...

Step 4: Make a clear request by setting your boundary.

Often, it's helpful to end your discussion with a clear request about what you need.

Something like, "Hey that's cool this time, but just so you know, keeping my word is really important to me, so I'd appreciate it if we both kept our word to each other."

Right here, you've made your expectations clear. You are setting the boundary for how it's ok to treat you.

Plus- by putting it in "we" terms, you make it clear that you aren't pointing the finger, this isn't only about THEM.

It about the two of you together, in relationship to each other.

So, it's more about entering into an explicit agreement to pay attention to each other's needs, rather than a slap on the wrist.

From here, things will either go swimmingly in the future, or not so much- if they aren't the right person for you.

Step 5: Follow up the next time

Hopefully, your new expectation will clear up any misunderstanding and things go full speed ahead. But if your new partner can't or won't respect your request- then you pretty much have your decision made for you: They just aren't a good fit for you.

If it happens again, try something like:

"Gee, I noticed that even though we talked about keeping our word to each other, it seems like that just isn't happening. What do you think is up with that?"

These types of conversations either bring you closer as you come to a deeper understanding of each other, or they drive you apart because you simply don't see the world or your relationship the same way.

However it goes, it brings the Gift of Clarity to you so you know how best to move forward towards your goal of creating a love that lasts a lifetime!

Readers: Try out the "I noticed..." statement with someone in your life today and let us know how it goes!

Key to Attraction: Are You Radiating Brilliance?

I was out the other weekend at the nightclub Proof- it’s a popular Denver dance spot for the 40+ crowd.

I was chatting with some folks about what it takes to attract your soulmate, or heck, even your next date, when I noticed a very interesting woman on the dance floor.

I was drawn to her not because of her extraordinary good looks, but because of her GLOW.

She had an effervescent charm that exuded from every pore of her. She was not the youngest, the most scantily clad, or the best looking woman in the place- but she was clearly, unabashedly ENJOYING herself.

The result?

I almost couldn’t take my eyes off of her- I loved watching her dance because her warm, happy, playful spirit showed through.

I would bet you that every man in the place noticed her the way I noticed her- because she was shining such brilliance you couldn’t help but be attracted to her radiance!

Sure, it didn’t hurt that she was wearing a cute outfit that included a fashionable skirt- but what was so compelling about her was the relaxed, confident, fun-loving vibe she put off so easily, effortlessly.

That’s the Soulmate Magnet Vibe.

And when you master stepping into your Best, most Authentic Self, you’ll be able to shine that radiant brilliance and attract the attention of great, emotionally available partners who are ready to share themselves with you.

Readers: What helps you step into your own Brilliant Radiance? And how do others respond to you? Please share!

If you are ready to own your Best, Authentic Self and attract your perfect partner, skip on over to www.MySoulmateSolution.com for all of the resources you need for support on your soulmate journey!

Freeing Yourself: Listen to the Embrace Your Emotions Meditation

Most of us spend a lot of energy protecting ourselves from our emotions: denying, resisting, repressing, distracting- anything but allowing them!

But the key to peace and happiness is learning to embrace ALL of your emotions.

This can be especially tricky when dating- which is known as being an emotional roller coaster ride of highs and lows.

But if you can practice welcoming all of your feelings, even the uncomfortable ones, they will pass more quickly- leaving you in that peaceful, calm place that attracts a great partner!

So discover how to stop struggling with your emotions and rest in that open, warm, loving space that will invite wonderful people and opportunities into your life.

Listen Now: 19 min

Join us every Monday at noon, Mountain time for another great Meditation Monday!

NEW Call In NUMBER: 218-862-7200
Access Code : 909472

Readers: How did accepting a difficult emotion open up space for attraction in your life? Please share!

Attracting Love from the Inside Out

So things aren't going as well as you hoped in your dating life?!

Recently on her blog, Ann Strong shared an amazing secret:

How to feel anything you are missing, anytime, from the inside out!

It was so smart, I had to share it with you.

Here’s what she says:

“Working with the simple yet powerful concept that I already have everything I need inside me, I notice what’s causing the fear or anxiety and then find a way to know it from the inside rather than expect it from the outside.”

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!

Especially when it comes to attracting love!

So, how to work this process?

Let’s look at a common dating example.

You’ve been trying online dating and you are getting zip, zero response. You log on for the millionth time and NOPE, still no tempting emails from sexy suitors.

So, you tune inward and wonder:

Why do I SO want to be “discovered” online?

What will a hello email do for me?

And you notice:

I want to feel wanted! Loved!

I want to feel attractive!

I want to feel hope!

Great, so pick the one you would like to work with (or all of them):

How can you feel loved, how can you be Love, right now?

How can you feel attractive, how can you be Beauty, right now?

How can you feel hope, how can you be Hope, right now?

Now, you may need to be creative next. But I am sure you can discover something, anything that helps you step into feeling loved, attractive, or hopeful! So, go do that now!

- Maybe you always feel loved when you chat with your best friend, but it’s been too long- call her.

- Maybe you embody love when you volunteer with homeless pets- get into action.

- Maybe you feel beautiful when you put on that special red dress and go dancing- grab a friend and go.

- Maybe sitting in a gorgeous flower garden helps you step into Beauty- GO!

- Maybe listening to your favorite uplifting piece of music always inspires in you hope- put it on!

- Maybe every time you tutor your niece, you both feel hopeful- get over there!

You get the idea!

The beauty of this work is that you Take Back your Power!

You no longer accept being a “victim” of a withholding Universe.

You refuse to wait for something to happen to make you all right.

The other gift of this work is that it immediately takes you out of a yucky, dark place into a sweet, light place.

AND, of course, that’ll make you much more attractive to the opposite sex. Bringing you that much closer to finding real love!

The key here is that once you shine something from within, it’ll show up on the outside in your life- ready to match what you already are!

So, take back your power and start living from the inside out today! Your love life will thank you!

Readers: How has taking back your power helped something show up in your life? Please share!

Read Ann's original post: Knowing my security from the inside